I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found puke in my bra..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
