im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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