mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
