either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
