If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
