Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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