Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
