finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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