So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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