I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
