I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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