She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
