Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
