All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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