I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
