I'm really into asian looking animals
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
