Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
