so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
