dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
