Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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