I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
