I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Randomize
