I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
