Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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