So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
