You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
