Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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