Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
