No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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