i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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