Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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