This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
