Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
