He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
