Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
