Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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