I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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