i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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