This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
