I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
