What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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