i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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