we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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