This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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