have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
