you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
