I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
