For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
