I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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