Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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