Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
