If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
