I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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