that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
