Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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