Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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